idk what my dream is
At one time, I wanted to be an artist. Then, as I grew up, people started praising my skills in math, so I thought maybe I’d pursue something in that field. Later, in high school, I dreamed of becoming a psychiatrist — or maybe it was a psychologist. But my parents didn’t support that idea, so I dropped biology and chose engineering instead. In my final year of high school, I was sure I wanted to become an architect, but again, that didn’t happen. My life has always felt a bit random.
After high school, my parents wanted me to attend a government university to study engineering. I wasn’t interested in engineering or the hype around that university, so I convinced them to let me attend a private university affiliated with that government one. That way, both our wishes were somewhat fulfilled. I had a fascination with robots and wanted to study electronics engineering, but my grades weren’t high enough, so I ended up with a seat in computer science. I didn’t know what CS was, but I went with it.
When it came time to pick my major, my mother and I were seated in an auditorium, watching the seats in each department fill up on a big screen. My entrance exam score wasn’t great, so by the time my name was called, many of the high-demand departments were already full. I still wanted electronics just because of my interest in robotics. A girl was sitting next to my mother and praying to get a seat in Computer Systems, a field I had never even heard of. Then she asked my mother to pray for her that at least one seat remains and she can have it. To her luck, she got it and a bit later, my turn came. I was left choosing between telecommunications, computer science, and software engineering. I called my cousin, who advised me to go with CS, so I did.
The liaison department head noticed my interest in electronics and suggested I fill out a claim form in case a spot opened up. Somehow, I was later called and offered a seat in electronics, despite barely meeting the requirements. It was unexpected, but I think I impressed the liaison officer. Here’s a bit of backstory on that.
When I was preparing for the entrance exams — something I wasn’t particularly interested in — my parents insisted I take an aptitude course (because I was sure I wanted to drop science and never study that again, but that didn’t happen). During that time, I learned that the university I applied to offered a short preparatory course in English and Math. The top student in that course would receive a waiver for the entrance exam fee, which was 1000 rupees less than the entrance fee. So I took it and ended up saving 1000 rupees by securing the first position.
While I was taking that course, my mother, who was concerned about my uncertain future, arranged my meeting with the liaison department head to get his guidance. I didn’t know what to expect. During the meeting, he asked me questions about my interests, and I told him I wanted to study Electrical Engineering (electronics was a major in it) because robots fascinated me. He suggested that most girls prefer the design aspect, while boys go for on-site work, but I was interested in both. He half-jokingly told me, “If that’s your goal, go on to start your own company someday — don’t let that ambition go to waste.”
He then asked what I planned to do after my bachelor’s degree, and I replied that I wanted to do an MBA. When he asked why, I said that if I wanted to start a company, I’d need to know how to manage it. This answer made him beyond impressed. He called my mother and said, ‘She is all good don’t worry about her; she is prepared’.
I wasn’t.
Eventually, I was called to reserve my seat in the electronics department. I went in, filled out the form, chose the department, and came back.
I didn’t choose electronics; I chose Computer Systems (remember that girl? sì, esatto!). I don’t know to this day why, but I am glad I did.
So, that’s why my life has felt like a series of random turns.
I completed my bachelor’s degree, and now I’m in Italy doing a master’s in Data Science — not an MBA, but an MS. A lot happened in between. I did, in a way, become an architect — a business architect at a bank, which is nowhere near what I actually studied.
I still love art. I just don’t want to limit myself. I love computer vision. I wanted to become a computer vision engineer, but thinking of becoming that takes me back to office days. Any corporate job for me is a rat race, and I do not want to be a part of it. I don’t want my love for something to die because of competition. I don’t want to be an employee. I want to work on cool things that would have inspired younger me. I don’t want to be bored, that’s it. Idk what my dream is.
Every twist in my life felt like a step away from clarity. I’ve wondered whether I’m lost, or just exploring. But maybe the answer is: I’m still finding my way, and that’s okay.
hope to just randomly post most random stuff again.
~Tee
